Delhi teen kills 2-year-old, here's how to deal with teen aggression!

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How to deal with teen behaviour problems

The details of how a 15-year-old killed her neighbour’s toddler to avenge an insult shook me to the core. While we might not ever truly understand teens, we can learn more about what makes them behave the way they do. Parents need to know whether their teen is just going through ‘those sensitive years’ or something very erroneous is brewing in those macrobiotic brains? Although this phase will pass eventually, there are some strategies that can help…

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What causes over-sensitivity?

Also, your child’s moods can change quickly. Because of how teenage brains develop, your child isn’t always able to quickly handle her changing feelings and reactions to everyday or unexpected things. And this can sometimes lead to over-sensitivity.

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A not-so-pleasant shift

Teenagers are starting to think in a deeper way than they did a few years earlier, and they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before. Some young people seem to burst into the world with a conflicting and radical view on everything. This shift to deeper thinking is a normal part of development too.

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Anger and violence in teenagers

Anger can be a challenging emotion for many teens as it often masks other underlying emotions such as frustration, embarrassment, sadness, hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. When teens can’t cope with these feelings, they may lash out, putting themselves and others at risk. The challenge for parents is to help your teen cope with emotions and deal with anger in a more constructive way

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Listen carefully

Make it your starting point to understand them rather than a need to win the argument or make them behave. Listen to the tune, not the words. So instead of hearing 'I hate you! Why don't you leave me alone?' you hear, 'I'm really upset, I'm trying to manage on my own and it feels like you don't trust me!'

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Set limits on your teenager's behaviour

Understanding your teenager's feelings and needs and why they act the way they do is not the same as condoning or accepting some behaviour. Once you have calmed them down by listening and restored the thinking/feeling balance, you can then set limits on their behaviour while helping them find ways to solve the problem. So you might say, 'I'd like you to find a way of dealing with this without shouting at me. What do you think would help you?'

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Avoid using violence with your teen

If you are hitting your teenager as a form of punishment or discipline, or even because you are losing control of your temper in an argument, then you are giving them the message that it is OK to use violence to solve disagreements. By avoiding using violence, you are setting a positive example of what you find acceptable.

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Uncover what’s behind the anger

Is your child sad or depressed? For example, does your teen have feelings of inadequacy because his or her peers have things that your child doesn’t? Does your teen just need someone to listen to him or her without judgment?

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Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger

Exercise, team sports, even simply hitting a punch bag or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger. Many teens also use art or writing to creatively express their anger. Dancing or playing along to loud, angry music can also provide relief.

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Give your teen space to retreat

When your teen is angry, allow him or her to retreat to a place where it’s safe to cool off. Don’t follow your teen and demand apologies or explanations while he or she is still raging; this will only prolong or escalate the anger, or even provoke a physical response.

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Manage your own anger

You can’t help your teen if you lose your temper as well. As difficult as it sounds, you have to remain calm and balanced no matter how much your child provokes you. If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express his or her anger as well.

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All teens need to feel loved

Teenagers are individuals with unique personalities and their own likes and dislikes. Some things about them are universal, though. No matter how much your teen seems to withdraw from you emotionally, no matter how independent your teen appears, or how troubled your teen becomes, he or she still needs your attention and to feel loved by you.

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Create structure

Teens may scream and argue with you about rules and discipline, or rebel against daily structure, but that doesn’t mean they need them any less. Structure, such as regular mealtimes and bedtimes, make a teen feel safe and secure. Sitting down to breakfast and dinner together every day can also provide a great opportunity to check in with your teen at the beginning and end of each day.

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Encourage exercise

Even a little regular exercise can help ease depression, boost energy and mood, relieve stress, regulate sleep patterns, and improve your teen’s self-esteem. If you struggle getting your teen to do anything but play video games, encourage him or her to play activity-based video games.

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Ensure your teen gets enough sleep

Sleep deprivation can make a teen stressed, moody, irritable, and lethargic, and cause problems with weight, memory, concentration, decision-making, and immunity from illness. You might be able to get by on six hours a night and still function at work, but your teen needs 8.5 to 10 hours of sleep a night to be mentally sharp and emotionally balanced.

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Parents, Take it one step at a time

When it comes to dealing with common behavior problems and teens, you can't be on top of it all of the time. You cannot control what they do. But one step at a time, you can teach them the correct way to handle the world around them. You can influence their decisions. Good luck!

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