DEEPAK CHOPRA listens to and advises a scared 30-something, a senior citizen who feels worthless and a teenager who is turning inward
I am too scared of things around me. I start imagining the worst that could happen; when my fellow passenger sneezes, I feel that I will contract swine flu. If I eat street food, I feel I will contract some disease. I fear going to doctors and visiting hospitals. I was not like this, but I feel that there is no end to it. Please help. Amita Margi, 32 years, Mumbai
■ Dear Amita, The key is your sentence, “I was not like this.” You now have free-floating anxiety that your rational mind knows is unreasonable. The rational part isn’t ending the fear, because fear isn’t rational. It lives in its own domain. The secret is to leave the place where fear lives.
First, ask yourself how your life changes between the two periods when you were not anxious and when you started to become anxious. Was there a major frightening event or drastic change? That is enough to create anxiety as a kind of after-shock symptom.
Or was it a gradual change over time? If that’s the case, then look for a cause like increased stress, a worsening relationship, or higher stress levels at work. In either case, you are taking on a burden through fear, despite the fact that the cause is in the past. Therefore, you keep paying today for things that are already over, like repaying an already paid credit card bill month after month.
I would recommend doing two things. First, when you have an anxious thought such as feeling afraid because someone next to you on the bus sneezed, say to yourself, ‘I don’t need this thought. It is not serving me. It comes from the past.’ Do this as often as the anxious thought returns.
The second step is about the anxious feeling you are having. For you, I think, the anxious thoughts lead the way, so sending away anxious thoughts should help the most. With the feeling, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and put your attention on breathing through your nose, where you can feel air going in and out as you breathe. Do this easily, and if your attention wanders, go back to easily watching your breath. I hope these two practices help.
My family has deserted me. I feel that my life is worthless because of repeated failures in business, in spite of my best efforts to do well. I could clearly see that something is pulling me down. I do not believe in yoga and meditation. How can I escape from this mental block? Please help me. Raj, 69 years
■ Dear Raj, Your letter consists of blanket statements that are drastic, such as “My life is worthless.” Such statements are strongly coloured by emotion rather than rational thinking. Considering your age, I’d guess that your problem isn’t failure but depression. Your mood is disordered, and in older people there’s a particular kind of depression that draws them into inner hopelessness.
Your best course is to seek immediate treatment from a health care professional. You have my sympathy for your suffering.
I have a deep interest in our ancient texts like the Bhagwad Gita and practices such as Kriya Yoga, can I use them to improve my life and of those around me? Please guide me on how to maximise the potential of body and mind and radiate love, positivity and peace. Irawati P, 17 years
■ Dear Irawati, Your letter falls into a rare category, and it was a pleasure to read it. You may be surprised to hear this, but I have a strong feeling that you already radiate love, positivity, and peace. If you didn’t, the desire wouldn’t crop up in someone your age — there are so many psychological issues teenagers grapple with and it is such an intense period of social adjustment.
Your spiritual inclinations to study the Gita and practise meditation and yoga are naturally going to lead to the improvements in your life that you seek. As your spiritual growth unfolds, however, it will be helpful to make sure that other areas of your young life also develop in a balanced way. It is probable that you are strongly attached to your family, which of course doesn’t concern me. But when a young person has inward tendencies, two pitfalls can occur. First, you may tend to isolate yourself, becoming involved in your inner world to the exclusion of forming satisfying bonds with other people.
Life is about relationships, and you need to relate outside your family. If you are shy, which I suspect is the case, it is easier for you to dwell inwardly and look to spiritual matters, but this is not enough. There is outward fulfilment to consider, and a big part of that is relating to other people.
The second pitfall for inward young people is becoming dependent on the family and not doing enough to become independent and stand on your own. You are at the right time of life to begin to feel independent and secure in yourself, but it’s a process. The process normally will last until your early twenties, but now is the time to start. Otherwise, you will remain dependent, and it becomes much harder to break that habit if you start too late. I hope this helps.
Do you have a question for Deepak Chopra? Please write to st.editorial@timesgroup.com and state your age■
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