DEEPAK CHOPRA answers readers’ questions on the perfect guru, a teen’s indecisiveness and the connect between age and religiosity
I have met many saints and life coaches but find them full of ego, avarice and attachment. This has made me skeptical and a nihilist. Is my scepticism justified?
— N Bajaj, 74 years
■ Dear N Bajaj,
It is unfair to believe that only a perfected being has something good to offer. You say that you have met these potential teachers, but have you spent time with them? If so, were you on the lookout for faults or looking for what the teaching might offer in a positive way? When we go to school, we didn’t constantly look to make sure our teachers were perfect human beings, and if they showed a personal shortcoming, we didn’t immediately dismiss them as worthless. If you have the aim of becoming more awake, or being more conscious today than you were last week or last month, I’d call that a reasonable goal. With such a goal in mind, you can wake up under very simple circumstances: Learn from anyone who is more awake or conscious than you. In this way, you will surely grow personally. Life is the best guru.
As we begin to notice the existence of the fruits of a conscious life, it turns out that they surround us consciously. Innocence, truth, beauty, kindness, love, creativity, purity, and the opportunity to grow personally are all around you. If a teacher embodies any of these qualities, regard him as a teacher. If the teacher embodies these qualities but cannot help you find them, move on until you find a teacher who can. Most of the time, people approach teachers from the ego level, which is why they are so sceptical. A teacher may have various shortcomings, but their role is to teach, not to be the new Buddha. Since you are a sincere seeker, I hope these few words aim you in a better direction.
I struggle with decision-making, and neglect consequences, and the ‘why’ of them. This will be an important part of life after school. Does a high IQ (or being smart) help?
— Chang Lee, 17 years
■ Dear Chang,
Your question is very general and imprecise. I do get the sense, however, that you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You are not at an age where life changing decisions are made by anyone, leaving aside a few brilliant anomalies who foresee the direction their whole life will take. If I may say so, it sounds like a good thing to be someone in your shoes. Important decisions come along with the burden of responsibility. Both can only be handled by mature adults, and even then, mistakes are made and unforeseen consequences arise. So don’t rush into territory that lies in the future. Be who you are, give yourself room to grow, and stop being so hard on yourself.
If your family situation puts pressure on you to make only perfect decisions, plan your life in advance, and know exactly where you are heading; if those demands are unfair. I realise that it is hard to resist such pressure, especially if you love and respect your patents. You will have to grow up faster in order to resist unfair pressure. But perhaps you can ask for more leeway and time to grow into the role that is expected of you. To me, that request is only fair.
Why do people become more religious as they advance in age? —Rajesh Kabu, 61 years
■ Dear Rajesh,
I can almost hear older readers saying, ‘Who, me?’ because many people become cynical and disillusioned with age. But let’s say that you are not asking a frivolous question simply out of curiosity. The serious implication of your question is “Should I grow more religious as I age? What’s in it for me?”
I think it is right to ask this question at any age. It is true that religion can serve to comfort us, to provide a community, to ground our day in time honoured ritual, and so on. It is psychologically important to have support from as many sources as possible, including family, friends, social groups, and religious institutions. These save us from feeling isolated and lonely, which is what the elderly fear most. But you are not there yet, I hope.
My second and stronger hope is that you look to the Indian spiritual tradition, which encourages sanyasa for mature adults who seek inner growth after the demands of work and family have lessened. In modern life, there is much more opportunity and freedom overall, and many people become engaged in waking up and leading a more conscious life long before the traditional period of sanyasa, so I am not asking you to consider turning your life around because tradition tells you to. Instead, consider if the project of becoming more conscious and awake appeals to you. If it does, and you act on this desire, then you will have a practical answer to your question.■
Do you have a question for Deepak Chopra? Please write to st.editorial@timesgroup.com and state your age
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