Have you ever felt sudden love and keep listening to a definite song on repeat mode all the day? It happens with me almost every day. But.. There is also a second mood of mine too. Yes. You are right. Sudden depression with a verge of tears in my eyes. Feeling like everything is going to grasp me and push me into a big black hole. It is a kind of my special one. Although these mood swings and all are very common to girls, they use to say, I think my brother, being a male, is also in this trap. So it’s a message to our well- developed society, please, please don’t do this gender discrimination when it comes about heart and brain at least. It sucks.
Being in my work place, it never ever gives me any sort of satisfaction till now. My mom says that that’s because I am not been paid enough and it’s the frustration that is making me hungry. But my inner me always knew, and know that it’s not the reason. I am not that so called type of nerd. But I love studying, rather I can say, I love gathering new interesting knowledge from any material world or else. I just need some info and I can assure you that I can make a handsome presentable story. Oh!! No. I am not that much good in English, neither my grammar is that much soothing. But yes, I can make stories, in broken English, Hindi or Bengali. But how does that matter? Our developing society can’t allow me to do so. Communication is much lesser important than the grammar. So I can’t be an author. And voila.. I became my own. You know what is the most satisfactory thing is here? It is that no one to judge you, no one to manipulate you, no one to make you feel inferior. I always wanted to be my own boss. And now.. I am.
All my life, I am a woman of questionable character. Some says I am complicated to understand. Some says I am an over-thinker (yes, I appreciate that and I believe it too). And some titles me as “open book”. May be the reason is they see me as they are or they don’t know me yet. My life is not yet settled and I am still on the boat to find that one place to take rest. And before attaining my destination I just want to do some experiments, adventures. What’s wrong in it? Yes, I want a family, a husband, and children. But, does that mean I can’t do experiments anymore? Why always?? People say they are like tiger, some are lions. I want to be an ant. I don’t want to be in a static circumstance unless it is really needed. Time has changed. Now grow up society. Family children home-making are not only my responsibility. If you can’t evolve yourself at least don’t judge my character. Do not take me leverage. My mood, my choice. My career, my choice. I am not asking for your permission. I don’t need liberty from you. I just need a support that can’t be given. So… Not to be maintained along side with you, it’s my choice. And my choice is the final one. I am not going to change it for any other influence. Trust me, if I seem to be questionable one, then analyze and record other observations as well.. I am unstoppable too..
COMMENT