A few years back, as soon as I turned 25, my close relatives (and not so much my parents) --- turned on the panic button. “She needs to settle down in life now. How long will she continue to work without having a “home” to come to in the evening?” --- this, coupled with other sarcastic comments about me and my growing independence forced my parents to create my account on not one, but five matrimonial websites in a bid to find the perfect partner for me.
Initially, I took the exercise as a fun game, where I used to look forward to every weekend to go online and check my account and then sometimes chat with a few men I really liked --- but something or the other won’t work out. I wasn’t serious other, so everything was fun and games, till I met this one boy.
Good looking, well read and spoken, this Delhi boy was settled in a beautiful country in Europe. We both instantly clicked and started talking --- before I knew it, he was in India to see me! – My parents were happy and so were his. I just met his parents once and while giving her mother the benefit of doubt when she asked me that “khaana banata hai kya” – his seemed like a regular family --- unfortunately I was wrong.
As soon as he got back to Europe, he kept a tab on where I went, what I ate and even what time I went off to sleep – Initially, I dismissed his behavior as someone who was just trying to know me better --- unless a small incident put me off him for the rest of my life (and thankfully so) .
One evening, after an office event, me and a couple of colleagues decided to go for a long drive and grab some dinner on the way --- the group was a mixture of girls and boys and no one was drinking and driving, so I was under no threat --- however, due to the time difference between India and his country, I decided to not inform him (we were still in the getting to know each other and there was no “yes” from either side, so I didn’t think it was that big a deal). The next morning, when I told him, all hell broke loose. He not only accused me of breaking his trust, but also asked me to “throw” away all my party clothes because he would never allow me to wear those after we got married. I turned him down then and there and even though he profusely apologized, I had made up my mind. However, more than 5 years later, my parents still wonder as to why I rejected such a “good” boy.
Recently a girl from Bengaluru rejected a boy because he was not comfortable with her dog and didn’t want to share his bed with a dog – the girl on the other hand, maintained her stand saying that she will not abandon her dog for anyone.
A lot of people are still baffled by what the girl did by rejecting a boy for a dog --- however, what they fail to see is that it isn’t really about the dog in this case. The “dog” could have been any thing for that matter --- a career she loves, a friend who needs her in her life, a dress that is her favourite and so on. Why do you have to give up something old in order to achieve something new?
The boy on the other hand had full right to express his displeasure on her decision to keep her dog (not everyone is a dog lover and that’s okay) --- however, he could have put it better and maybe even offered a solution to the problem --- things like taking her to see her dog once a week etc. However, saying something like “In that case, go ahead and marry the dog”, proves that in the end he turned out to be that male chauvinist we all have been taught to stay away from – his ego could not digest the fact that a dog was picked over him!
Unfortunately, in our country women are still not given the freedom of choice --- especially in an arranged marriage set-up. They are often asked to compromise and not be “choosy”. Sadly, the same isn’t said to most men.
What we really need is not a big balance or a big house, but the power to choose for ourselves. So, whether it a dog or a drink, please leave that decision to us.
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