To get rid of self-defeating behaviors...

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Since what we are today, what our memories have made us, it follows that we must take steps to prevent the creation of new negative memories that control over our life.It is impossible to do anything to the actual us at any time that affects us.
Going back into our past and relive as many experiences as we can remember. Take each memory separately and see that it was our own thinking that caused us to feel hurt, happy, angry. Then reverse the process, and be sure that we ourselves do not have guilt because in like manner, it was their identification in their mind with what we said or did that affected them and not us.

Example:In your relationship with either or both of your parents, which of the following statements are true for you.
I feel guilty when I do something that upsets them.
I feel scared when they’re angry at me.
I feel sad when my parents are unhappy.
I feel angry when my parents try to control me. etc...

now reverse the process of thinking as positive manners

It is up to me to make my parents happy.

It is up to me to make my parents proud.

I am my parents' whole life.

My parents couldn’t survive without me.

this example makes a lot sence on reverse positiveness -asumiing ourselves as a center of the whole matter.

What we can do is start to challenge our self-defeating behaviors if person(s) emerge again with painful consequences, and recognize the underlying constricting belief on which they are based. Discard them to allow your

true self to emerge. That way we come to know who we really are, and we can become a more fully developed person.

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