Lakshmi Dewan is a social media influencer and entrepreneur who recently went through an unpleasant ordeal at the hands of a stalker while she was holidaying in Goa.
LinkedIn Post
Sharing a post on LinkedIn, she explained that the person somehow found out where she was staying and refused to leave until she had accepted the gifts that he had bought for her. She had not shared her location anywhere on social media. She also revealed that when she informed the ‘higher authorities,’ they instead blamed her for wearing swimsuits and other revealing outfits on social media. This made her feel very uncomfortable and indignant as she was just being her natural self.
What should Lakshmi have done? Should she have been a little more realistic, as she was in India? People the world over say that one must do in Rome as the Romans do, so perhaps, she does in India as the Indians do. I don’t know the answer to this question, and Lakshmi can be the best judge. But yes, her privacy should have been respected and the police had no business to make her feel uncomfortable with their questions. That is not what they are there for.
I have had an incident too, like being followed by a group of men at night when I went for a walk, yet I was able to shake them off by increasing my pace to a run and keeping my cool till I found a brightly lit spot. A few of my other friends have not been so fortunate. One was threatened at knife point and another at gunpoint to let go of some of their more expensive possessions like a mobile phone, wristwatch and the contents of their wallet.
Unwarranted Restrictions
Still, I can only faintly imagine what it must be like when a woman is followed by some strange unknown man while she only wants to unwind and maybe destress from work by going on a vacation. It is very disturbing that even in 2022, women do not feel safe to go out alone in the evenings or at night or just to solo travel to one of their favoured destinations.
I have lady friends who insist that they must be back home before the late evening as the fear of being out late at night is instilled by family into them while the other gender do not have any such restrictions.
One may argue that it depends on the country, the city and the culture but women are stalked and harassed whether it happens in a ‘first world city’ like New York, or in a holiday destination like Goa or a more urban setting like Paris, Mumbai or any urban destination around the world.
The Need for More Empathy
Whatever the justification, everyone needs to understand and empathise with both women and men more while respecting their individuality and not reading unnecessarily into signs that mean nothing or thinking it’s their birthright to stalk or follow someone who is solo.
Unfortunately, even society, movies, music and general entertainment play a role in shaping gender perceptions and many of them are guilty of objectifying women and making it seem normal to chase and woo a woman until she accepts their invitations, even if unwanted.
The Basics of Gender Etiquette
It is definitely a complicated topic to deal with succinctly, however, it would be very helpful if everyone is taught some basic etiquettes of communicating with the opposite gender, whether they study in a run-of-the-mill school or some fancy one. Perhaps, this should be a mandatory part of our syllabus. Everyone, in short, needs respect and should be happily able to do what they want to do, so long as they are not offending anyone else.
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